Importance of Discipline in Life

Since last few years one thing that I have realised and that I feel very often is that my life has got quite unorganised and undirectional since I have left my studies. I get angry very easily and at times I also feel stressed. The immediate reason of this stress or anger(although that is not the actual reason) on which I often put entire blame is my wife. She does something that I don't like and then I burst out on her. I shout on her but then I also realise that the entire anger was not because of her. There is something else which is bothering me. 

Deep within when I think about my situation one obvious reason is that I am losing control over my life. One part of me wants to keep the life organised and displined but the other part makes it to watch movies, waste time doing nothing, stay unorganised, doing petty things. When the latter happens, the former feels frustrated and the anger comes out in one or the other way.(for eg. I want to wake up early but somehow not able to and then I feel angry and frustrated). Further another side effect is that I feel lost and don't enjoy whatever is going around or the life that I am living, the job I'm doing, etc.

What are the resorts that I chose to push myself to my comfort zone or say, to avoid these thoughts to discipline myself? One, I watch movies. Two, I keep playing some youtube video of my interest irrespective of the fact I am listening it or not. Three, I start scrolling unnecessary on phone. Four, I start exploring the share market, pretending sometime actually digging on certain stocks. Five, I start doing some irrelevant thing like playing on phone or say arranging my notes in keep or folders on my laptop or on my hard disk etc. something that is not at all urgent. Thus, in one or other way I try to run from the situation on hand. I don't want to confess or confront it. 

But what is it that I am running from? I think time has come to answer it. I am running from the good part of myself which is constatly asking the tough questions. The good me that wants to see me disciplined and organised as I was, to some extent, prior to COVID breakout. Let me confess that I really have become lazy over last three to four years.

But now it is high time that I take corrective actions. Bring discipline - One thing that can make me truly happy. From today onwards I have to take the first step. I have to set micro goals and try to achieve them. Micro goals can be wake up early, plan the day, control over the apps that I use more, controlled use of OTT platforms, exercise daily, Daily reading, daily spending time with family, talk to those over phone whom  I can't meet, etc. I feel that is the only way to bring back what I have lost - a happy and disciplined life. That is my only goal from today onwards.